Today was my eldest child’s last “first day of school.”  It took me by surprise. We were all in such a hurry buzzing about trying to get everything pulled together this morning that it did not occur to me.   I was honored and glad that a few days earlier she had requested I drive her for her first day.  It wasn't until after I dropped her off, and was driving away, that I realized it was the last time I would drop her off for her first day of school and tears filled my eyes.

What has parenting done to me?   I didn’t used to be such a mess!  These days I find myself more and more emotional!  It’s seemed like a downhill ride since she got her driver’s license last year.  One milestone passes after another all bringing her childhood to a close. 

It has been such a sweet time, raising my daughter.  And I am so grateful for the person she has become.  And although I am aging and eager to do new things, I don’t really want it to be over.  As irritated as I get sharing the bathroom, I really don’t want it all to myself.  As tired as I am of making people food all 
the time, I really don’t want them eating somewhere else. As much work as it makes for me, I don’t really want them to go.  And yet I do.  This is what all the bathroom sharing, meal making and work were for…
for the launch.


As I drove and the tears came I tried to call my husband and a couple friends but no one answered, so I started to pray.  “Okay Lord, you are always here for me. What do you say?”

And then my mind went to a precious verse that a friend (Darlene Lund) shared with me last week. 

Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

I had prayed that very verse with my children last night as they were nervous to face the first day of school. “God goes before you…” I had said.  “He will not fail to help you.  He will be with you.”

And as I face my own great transition, the Lord brought that same verse back to mind for me.  God goes before you, Jeri, He will not fail to help you.  He will be with you.

More tears.

He will be with me.

He will be with me.

Several years ago someone in my church decided that we should make a standing stone memorial like in the Old Testament (See Joshua 4).  She took great pains to make a cement pillar with stones pressed into it creating a large mosaic of stones.  When they presented this monument in church she encouraged us to think of something to write on a stone with a permanent marker.  Something perhaps to offer God or a memory of thanksgiving.

I wrote:  “All of me, All the time.”

I wanted, with all my heart, to give God all of me, all the time.  That was my offering.  I was committing the only thing I had to offer, myself, to Him.

And I have strived to do that.  I want to be consistent.  I want to be “all in.”  And I continue to invite the Holy Spirit to show me areas of my life that are not yet submitted to God, because I want Him to rule my entire life.  Well, the best part of me does--honestly parts of me rebel, but that’s another story.  I left my writing on the stone behind me and tried my best to keep my commitment to God. 

What I did not expect is what happened during the last year. 

I was not thinking at all about that monument from years past as I faced fears about my competence to carry out the work God had lead me to take on.  I had made mistakes and could foresee, try as I might, I was going to make mistakes again.  I was ashamed.  I was frustrated. I want to serve God wholeheartedly and He deserved so much more than I seemed able to give.

And then the Holy Spirit whispered back to me what I had written years ago - that commitment -- but changed it in a small but powerful way.

I want  ALL OF YOU, ALL THE TIME… WEAKNESSES TOO.

Weaknesses too?  Tears began to flow.

What I wrote on the monument was more about me than God.  But God had redeemed it.  He had used this moment of frustration and brokenness to show me that He again is the focus of the story.  He’s the hero, not me.  Never me. 

He wants ALL of me, even the broken parts.  Even knowing I will make mistakes.  He has accepted all of me.  He has bought me with a price – an astronomically high price.  The death of the King.  The death of His only son.  The death of Jesus.

And so, as I reflect now on what I wrote then, it  brings up thankfulness. 

Thank you God for receiving, accepting and loving ALL of ME, ALL the TIME.

As I was sitting in the Alpha Course recently, I listened as the speaker talked about how much the world was changed by Jesus Christ.  It took only a moment of reflection for me to begin to be struck with how much that is true!  Jesus has had more of an impact on human history than any other person by a longshot… I can’t imagine who is second runner up! 

And, it didn't begin and end 2000 years ago when He walked the earth.

Jesus is alive today and He is changing the world – one life at a time.

So often I am frustrated with my powerlessness.  I want to “make a difference” – I want to “change the world” – but I have such limited power and influence.  It seems like all I can do is as a spit in the ocean… What am I to do with this passionate desire to help the hurting, lost, and broken;  to stand up for justice and protect the oppressed and helpless?  What about bringing hope to the depressed?  Value to the forgotten? 

Well, it just so happens that is the business Jesus is in.  Jesus is in the “world-changing” business – Jesus is bringing light to dark places, hope to the hopeless, love to the forgotten, freedom to the prisoners. 

I know, because that’s what He’s done for me and I’ve seen Him do it for my friends.  Jesus is the “world-changer”.  And I’m realizing that if I want to change the world too, well, I should follow Him, because that’s what He is already doing. He alone has the power I crave… the power to change the world.

How would you like to change the world?