Congratulations!  You have made it to the last week of The Love Your Spouse Well 6-week challenge!  I hope we have all been stretched a bit, considered a bit and have had a bit of fun!
 
Gift-giving week should be a lot of fun.
 
In the Bible it says, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above coming down from the Father of lights…” James 1:17 (ESV)
 
God loves to lavish his children with good gifts.  He is generous in nature.  And it is a joy to give gifts to those we love!  I believe giving gifts is an excuse to tell someone; “I see you, I notice you, I like you and I affirm your interests and abilities.”  It can even be a time to communicate that you believe in someone’s dreams.
 
For example, when I gave the gift of guitar lessons to my spouse when we were first married I wanted to express, “I love you and I see your love for music and I think you will be awesome at it.”
 
When I gave my son a beautiful leather journal with a sketch book in it I wanted to say to him, “I love you and I see your love for drawing and I think you are so good at it and your drawings are so valuable, they need a special place.”
 
Not every gift we give can be a gift like that, and certainly there are times when the always-popular traditional gifts like flowers or baked goods are what is in order; but I want to challenge us to pray and ask God (who loves to give good gifts Himself) if there is a gift  we could give our spouse that would touch their heart and affirm their worth and, perhaps, their dreams?
 
The Challenge of the Week is GIFTS*.

*We encourage you to check out Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, the origin of the Love Languages concept.

When I first got married I didn’t really value affection as a means to express love.  I grew up in a loving home, but we were more likely to use words, time or service to express it to each other.  But I noticed that people in my spouse’s family were more likely to hug or put a hand on each other’s shoulder that I was.  I realized this was probably going to be an area I was going to need to grow in.

Over the years I’ve realized that in the tough moments when we don’t really know what to say, an embrace or holding hands says a lot.  It’s a way to communicate unconditional love, and to say, “I’ve got your back; I’m here for you.” 

The challenge of the week this week:  Show affection* toward your spouse in a way that will make them feel loved.

*We encourage you to check out Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, the origin of the Love Languages concept.

We are at the halfway point of our challenge.  Take a moment and look back at how it has been going for you.  I have to admit, I haven’t done as much as I originally thought I might with this challenge, and yet I have focused on my marriage much more than usual.  And so, I would call that a success.

As we start the downhill portion of our challenge I wanted to give you a heads up that, as the challenge ends on February 14th, Valentine’s Day, you may want to start thinking and praying about a gift to give your spouse.  When I say gift, I would encourage you to customize this for your spouse and situation.  You may buy, make or bake something… You may plan a dinner or adventure… whatever would bless your spouse. 

And that brings me to the challenge of this week:  Expressing love to our spouse by giving them our time.

I think time is the most valuable resource we have.  If I am honest, many things are more likely to get my time and attention than my spouse.  Things like: my kids, friends in crisis, my work, things that need to get done around the house, someone who calls on the phone, email…

I’ve realized that if my spouse is going to get my time and attention I will need to be purposeful about it!

When I thought about loving my spouse through offering them quality time with me, it immediately made me think of also giving them attention and listening to them, so we have challenges in all of these areas this week.

The challenge of the week this week:  Expressing love to our spouse by giving them our time*.



​*We encourage you to check out Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, the origin of the Love Languages concept.

Congratulations for continuing with the 6 week challenge!  You have already made valuable investments into your marriage relationship!  Let’s keep going!
 
I mentioned before that I have often felt like there should be another expression of love included when we talk about love languages*, and that is prayer.  Have you ever prayed for someone’s friend or loved one that you’ve never met – maybe a baby yet to be born, or a child not yet adopted – and when you finally met that person you felt love already in your heart towards them?  I think prayer communicates love and creates connection between us and others, as well as between us and God.  This week we are going to focus on praying for our spouse every day as an expression of love.
 
As we pray for our own spouses, I believe we have a distinctive authority because as married people we are no longer considered two individuals, but “one flesh.”  This is a "profound mystery", the Apostle Paul says (Ephesians 5:31-32), and yet as we pray for our spouse, I believe this truth comes to bear.
 
When I get serious about praying, I pray the prayers and promises found in God’s Word.  The Bible says:
 
14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, 
that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 
15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, 
we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.   
1 John 5:14–15 (ESV)
 
If we “ask anything according to his will he hears us.”  God reveals His will in His word, and so as I pray using His word as my guide, I am agreeing with God, “Your will be done” (Matthew 6:10 ESV).  And so, I pray God’s will for my spouse, agreeing with what God wants to do in their life, confident He will hear and answer.
 
The challenge of the week is to pray for our spouse daily, 
using God’s word as our guide.


*We encourage you to check out Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages, the origin of the Love Languages concept.

I mentioned in my first LYSW post that it seems there is a gravity pulling me toward taking my spouse for granted and one of the consequences of that is, if I’m not careful I start to think I’m entitled to my spouse's service, without making efforts to serve them.  I forget that for marriage to work we both have to give 100%, not argue in my heart about some 50-50 split.  I am prone to look to my spouse to be my “need-meeter” instead of a person with their own burdens, problems, shortcomings and needs… and that leads to frustration and disappointment.  
 
Psalm 146:3-6 says:  “Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.  When their spirit departs, they return to the ground on that very day their plans come to nothing.  Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God. “ (NIV)

God is the One who ultimately meets my needs and looking to a person to do so will always be disappointing.

So, as I focus on serving my spouse this week, I also want to release them from my expectations and ask the Lord to reset my expectations in reasonable places.  I’m going to focus on what I give, not on what I get this week. 

The challenge of the week is to serve my spouse without expecting anything in return.

We encourage readers to check out The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and we thank him for identifying: Words, Service, Time, Gifts and Affection as ways we give and receive love from one another.

I’ve noticed lately that my words toward my spouse could use some serious work.  My teasing has gotten sarcastic and sharp, and it seems I’m more likely to point out faults than to lift up my spouse’s admirable qualities. 

Words are powerful and I want to use them to build up, not to destroy. 

Proverbs 14:1 (ESV) says, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.”  I often think harsh, thoughtless and mean words are how I foolishly tear my own house down. 
 
This week the challenge is use the tool of words to build up our marriages and our spouses!

Share your ideas, obstacles you're facing during this challenge and experiences in the comments.

We encourage readers to check out The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and we thank him for identifying: Words, Service, Time, Gifts and Affection as ways we give and receive love from one another.

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to take your spouse for granted?  I know that my relationship with my spouse should be my top priority, but it seems like the gravity of life pulls me towards the urgent and away from the important work of building up my marriage.
 
And marriages are not no-maintenance.
 
They require attention and investment. 
 
So, every year about this time I try to move my relationship with my spouse back up to the top of the priority pile by purposefully investing in it some way.  I have often read a book on marriage by myself or with my husband, but this year I had a different idea.
 
What if I leveraged the accountability and support that internet friends can provide, with my desire to make investing in my marriage daily a habit?
 
And so, I have arrived at the: 
​        "Love Your Spouse Well" 6-Week Challenge.
 
I thought I’d focus on a different way to express love to my spouse every week and my mind immediately went to Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages.”  So each week I plan to focus on loving my spouse well through one of the 5 outlined in that book:

• Words
• Service
• Affection
• Time
• Gifts

 
You may notice it’s a 6-week challenge and there’s only 5 listed… well, I have another way I think we express love, so I plan to unveil that as a surprise during the challenge!
 
Every week I’ll highlight the Love Expression of the Week in a blog post and then, if you sign up, you can receive daily emails of challenges, suggestions and ideas.  Sometimes we’ll back tackling common barriers to loving our spouses well, other times we’ll be getting creative in how to express ourselves through words, actions, gifts… Always there will be a challenge of the day to keep us on track.
 
I encourage you to share your own insights and ideas in the comments on this blog.
 
If we start on January 3, 2016 and continue 6 weeks, the challenge ends on February 14, 2016 – that’s right, Valentine’s Day!
 
I invite you to join in this challenge to put a little extra love into your marriage –There is nothing to lose and much to gain.
 
Join me in the Love Your Spouse Well" 6-week Challenge.