So, if you know me, you know I love to study the Bible, I love to worship God, I love to teach, I love to sing and I love to Rock Out.  Our Country Punk Band, Brother Howe,  has just released our new album AMERICAN MAN ... this is the album with the song MAKE A DIFFERENCE which I discussed in  my last blog entry which includes the "AMERICAN MAN CHOIR"

Most of the songs are written by my husband, Jason Howe, but AMERICAN MAN also includes an upbeat song that I wrote and sing: SEARCH ME OH GOD. 
The chorus is often my prayer (Psalm 139):  

Search me Oh God, and know my weary heart...
Test me and know my fears...
see if there is any thing between us. 
Lead me in your way... in your way.  

So click here to take a listen to Search me O God:

The truth is, we all make a difference in this world.  It is not so hard to do so... in fact, it is impossible not to make a difference in this world!  So, how do we want this world to look?  How do you want to make a difference?  (leave a comment!)

I want to send out a special "Thank you!" to all those who, by taking some time, showing up,  and doing something a little out of the box by singing with a bunch of strangers in our living room for our recording  really "made a difference" in the final chorus of the "Make a Difference" song! 

Lately I have seen more and more how my drive to be perfect is having a toll on my children.  I have witnessed them struggling with the same insatiable thirst to meet an invisible, changing standard and I have felt both helpless and ashamed to have given them such a poor model.  But how else can I live?  This is the only life I know.  Yet, in this season I have had the hope that if God is letting me see this problem, He must have a way out!

As I have turned to Him, and begun praying about this, the most amazing new thoughts have come to mind: 
“What if I can just own where I am at?”
“What if I can just be who I am in this moment without shame?”
“ What if God accepts me right here and I am the only one who expects more?”
“What if perfection itself is only an illusion?”
“What if obsessing over perfection is a sin that can be confessed                                                                     and forgiven?”

These thoughts seem in line with what I know of the Bible and God’s character and they come with so much hope!  I believe that God has always accepted me just as I am, lumps and all.  That is the glory, the amazing grace of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross!  God does not require perfection from me; instead he offers it to me in Jesus Christ, my Savior.  I am filled with joy that, although I am still struggling, I am confident God is delivering me from this prison of perfectionism I have built for myself, one thought at a time!”  - JH

God is real.  He is alive.  He has made the heavens and the earth.  He has created everything that has breath.  He is constantly revealing Himself to His created people: through nature, through His word, through His deeds and through His redeemed people - those who follow Christ.

AWARE is about becoming more aware of God, His passion that all people would know Him and His incredible, often unnoticed work going on around us.

AWARE is about becoming more aware of each Christ follower's role in seeing others come to know God through Jesus Christ.

AWARE is about gaining a better understanding of others, their perspective and life experiences.

The Relaunched AWARE has 5 group sessions and includes a brand new "at home" study called DEEPLY AWARE, a study of Psalm 23 from a thought-provoking perspective. 

AWARE has just been released, and I am the primary author.

To find out more and to order AWARE click here.

Lately at my house I’ve been a little frustrated with my kids.  They are in middle school and this weird thing has been going on.  They will ask me for something… like a snack.  And I’ll say, “Well, what do you want?”

And they’ll come back and say, “Well, what can I have?”

And then I try to think of all the things in the kitchen that we have to eat, and then what they’ve probably already ate that day, and I try to come up with what in the world they might have for a snack and all of this is exhausting so I ask again…
Well, what do you want?”

“Well, what can I have?”

And then I’ll make a decision.  “You can have an apple or a peanut butter sandwich.”

“Can I have something else?”

“No, I have decided…” I’m getting tired of this and as a parent my word is supposed to be the end of it so I say…”that’s it. Those are your choices.”

And then they are frustrated.  They obviously don’t want either choice.

Well, after several rounds of this it occurred to me that they knew what they wanted the whole time.  They wanted ice cream.  Why didn’t they just say that?  Why didn’t they ask me for ice cream?  Because they knew that wasn’t the “right” answer.  That isn’t the “good thing” they are supposed to want, so they were reluctant to ask for it.

But you know, I probably would have let them have ice cream… at least some of the times… because what is life without a little ice cream?

I was so frustrated with them, until I realized that whenever I am that frustrated with someone (looking at the speck in their eye) I should probably turn and look at myself (plank in my own eye – Matthew 7.)

Do I do what they are doing?  Do I pray, not really asking for what I want because I am afraid that it isn’t the “right” or “good” answer?  Should I just start being more honest about what I really want in prayer? 

I read about David being pretty forthright and honest in the Psalms, and God doesn’t seem to shrink back from it.  I get the impression that God can take it.  And, I believe that God is good and if what I request is bad for me, like a good Dad, he is going to correct me.

Prayer is a time for me to be honest with myself and with God.  What do I really want?  What is really bothering me?  What do I really need?  The Holy Spirit searches our hearts and can help us “really” pray… the truth is, unlike me with my kids, God my Father already knows what I “really” desire… and what the “good” thing is that I need, and he does not withhold good things from his kids.  He might even let me have ice cream once in a while.


"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing is not hidden from you."
Psalm 38:9

  I love fall.  I love the way the cooler weather freshens things up.  I love apple-picking, pumpkin-carving and the start of school.  And I love watching the leaves change color.  Sometimes I am afraid it’s going to happen too quickly and I am going to miss it all.

I love the yellow-greens and bright fiery oranges and the deep reds. 

I love all the bright-colored fall leaves, but I don’t like the murky purple-brown leaves.  I have always tried to ignore them… until one day when I realized that God had made that color, too.  He chose it on purpose – he designed it.  But it’s so ugly!  I thought –

And in my heart I realized I feel the same way about my emotions as I do about leaves. 

I like the bright, sparkly emotions like happiness, laughter, excitement, rejoicing… but I try to ignore sadness, anger, mourning…

But God made all of my emotions – they are all part of the palette… maybe I should accept all the “colors” of my emotions __

Ignoring them hasn’t really worked anyway!

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…

Ecclesiastes 3:4